Reading Elin~

Saturday, December 25, 2004

I read ah ying's blog just now, I guess we're both suffering from the same kind of sickness. A sickness called 'kekosongan jiwa' @ loneliness. I don't know if this applies to everyone, but as I grow older and older, I feel more and more lonely. I'm lost. I don't know what I really want anymore. Like there's one big important part missing from my life and I can't find it anywhere because I've no idea what it is. I feel as if I don't have as many friends as I used to have. I feel as if there's nobody who cares anymore. I feel as if I have lesser friends to talk to and lesser shoulders to cry on. I feel that those who were once so important to me are no longer as significant. I feel that many of my once very close friends are walking away from my life, walking away from me, leaving me behind and didn't even bother looking back. It is times like Christmas that reminds me of the good old days, it is times like Christmas that makes the loneliness in me even more obvious. I might look cheerful all the time, but I do have times when I feel totally discouraged. And this is getting more and more frequent, maybe I have too much time to myself that my mind's starting to work on the bad side. Behind the veils, everything can be so different from the way I behave in front of people. But that doesn't make me a hypocrite. I don't just put up a smiling face for no reason. I'm truly happy when I'm surrounded by people but when I'm not, I just can't control my mind. Maybe I'm just not that kind of people who can survive living alone all by myself.
If you ask me what is my wish for this Christmas? Santa, I'll tell you to take my loneliness away. But I guess it's too late now. It's already past midnight.

Merry Christmas.

Elin~ @ 1:49 AM | u hav sumthin 2 say?

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